Dear Friend,

FOMO sucks. I think what sucks the most is finally doing the thing we think we’ve been missing out on and finding out just how empty it is- that hollow feeling of “oh, this is it?” is just so… ugh. 

You have a good strategy with the water! Also sparkling water with lime is refreshing and can pass as something stronger, if you need it to. But it doesn’t NEED TO! If you don’t want to drink, you don’t have to drink! And that is reason enough!

If some jerk decides to get so far into your business that they must control YOUR actions and YOUR beliefs- well, they need better things to do. And you could benefit from holding some boundaries regarding your sense of self and safety, which begins with yourself. What are your limits? How much do other people get a say in your life?

Then I would have a real conversation with your GF about your boundaries. It can be scary but also super helpful to share your hard feelings with someone you trust- it can actually bring you closer. You two can maybe come up with strategies to deal with parties, together. Either way, you’ve made it clear what you’re willing to deal with and where you’re uncomfortable, which is super healthy and a huge step in becoming the person you want to be.

Dear Friend,

Your friend sounds like they are in a super rough place! I’m so glad they have a friend like you that is there for them. Sometimes when we are feeling so bad on the inside, we make life bad on the outside, so our inner experience and outer experience match. This makes sense, but it also sucks, because then we have twice the amount of junk to deal with.

Help your friend by keeping him alive. Getting blackout drunk can land him in the hospital. It may even kill him. I suggest y’all go bowling or axe throwing or batting cages or anything physical so he can let out his stress, physically process all the stress hormones that are making his body feel like he needs to bring it down by drinking. I find that conversations are easier to have when I’m involved in another activity at the same time. Maybe he’s the same way and can be more vulnerable with you about what’s going on in his life, and you can also be honest that you feel helpless about his situation, and just listen. Just listen. And help him feel safe and supported.

Dear Friend,

First, congratulations on your own self-awareness! You have the inner wisdom to know when you feel safe, or unsafe, and you know being around a lot of alcohol is a trigger for you. Our bodies are giving us a message when we are triggered, and it is up to us to listen and take appropriate action. 

How do you deal with the trigger? I think, generally, with compassion, which can be seen as cringe, different choices, which can be cringe, and communication, which can also feel cringe. RELEASE THE RESISTANCE TO CRINGE! Cringe is honesty, vulnerability, trust– all those things that make us wholly human and connected. An important question for you is, “who am I connecting to?” Because your friends aren’t really acting very friendly. How many times do you need to tell your friends before they listen? How many times do you need to tell them you grew up in a household with alcohol issues and are triggered by being at parties where there’s a lot of drinking? It doesn’t sound like these are friends who have your back. It's possible they don’t know HOW to have your back. 

Maybe start the conversation with your friends by saying “Hey, I know this is cringe, but I'm embracing it! I'm triggered when…because…so I would like…” That way, you’re owning your own situation and letting them know it's hard, and how they can help. Sometimes we must tell people how we want to be treated. 

Set some limits for yourself about what kinds of parties you want to go to, and how you want to get home. Use a rideshare! Tell your friends you love them and don’t want them to get in big time trouble by driving drunk. Be the inspiration your friends so obviously need!